I'm petrified. My hands are tied. I'm in the waiting place. I am almost completely powerless. I don't think i've ever been more frustrated.

This is my week of hell and I have a cold. WOW. If you're in town I'd love to hang out with you, but sometime after 8:00 Thursday night :) Until then I shall be locked in my room alone without contact to the outside world. That's the plan at least. UGH! Wish me luck.

It's just like high school.

I'm sitting here in my room in the middle of the night, shooting evil glances at my silent cell phone, writing theraputic emails to my oldest confidante, listening to slow, low music, and still deciding nothing. The only difference is, nothing can really be decided while i'm 200 miles away from my life. And with that decided, i'm going to bed.

I hate how a day can be going so well. Totally productive and everything and then all of a sudden one little thing just ruins the whole night and takes up a freaking hour when you could have been productive or at least slept. I'm in such a bad mood now and I'll probably be up for another hour without productivity with stuff on my mind. Being human is tough sometimes...

Everyone has Spring Break next week and I'm so jealous! If you're in SD you have to stop by and say hi... and make fun of me cuz I'm studying for tests and you're having fun. *sigh* C'est la vie.

It's finals week, okay? I all have to talk about is school.

I set myself up for some hardcore studying today. And I was studying...for about 3 hours. And now i'm burnt out and I can't do ANYTHING. But i'm going to prove myself wrong and do some studying now I hope. The difficult part is that tomorrow at this time i'll be all done and I just wish I could take both my finals right now so I don't have to get up at 8 tomorrow and write for several hours and then go and fill in some bubbles for another couple hours.

I'm almost done.

Happy Birthday Bobbys!!!

Me, being the overacheiver (read: idiot) that I am, decided to pick a difficult topic for the policy brief i'm doing for my pass-fail Global Studies class. Pass-Fail. Well, it's due tomorrow, i'm on page 5 of 7-10, and I have only just started proposing and refuting one of the three solutions that will compose the meat of the brief. I'm tired and bored already. It's going to be a long night.

I enjoy waking up curled into the pink folds of my pink bed, of my pink familiar bed to find out about the unfamiliarities of life.

Things are never how they seem. This, we have been taught to accept since the beginning of time. We've all been trained and cultured to expect the unexpected, expect life to come as a string of tiny failures, one loop glamourously leading to the next. They've taught us how to deal with the let-downs, how to bear the burdens of daily dissappointments without the risk of possible breakdowns. By now I know the high's and low's of rescuing my own wandering mind from fits of depression and loneliness. The one thing they never taught us is how to cope with perfection and happiness. Gratitude is something that we've had to learn on our own.

Most often, less is more.

Tidbits:

I was at the newspaper office just now, getting my story of all time read over, and my editor offered me a beer. My "no thanks" was followed by loud "boos" from all the editors. I was informed that I had committed an office foul. They have yet to make a daily drinker, chain smoker, no sleeper out of me...

My story of all time will appear in print the day we get back from Spring Break.

I took a tour of the Pentagon on Monday, and unfortunately I am unable to confirm that it is, in fact, shaped like a pentagon. They had a hell of a lot of security, though.

I heard Hilary Clinton speak on Monday, followed by Barbara Boxer, and John McCain. I went to a cool coffee shop bar and had good conversation with good friends as it was snowing outside.

I like Washington D.C. I like journalism. I like my friends. I like Metric. Focus on the other things in my life? I'm trying.

Leaping!

February 29 is Mr. Will Harvie's birthday. People like him only come on special days like that.

The man has changed and continues to change my life. Some kids in my class made him two big poster-size quizzes in a happy birthday flavored, Harvie-licious style (Monica and Nicole induce a current in an attempt to duplicate Mr. Harvie's electrifying smile. Draw the direction of the current and solve...), with comments like "Golden!" "DelMarvelous" and "Fantabulous!" written on them. And we got him a big polar bear (a... white bruin?).

If anyone asks, he's my hero.

So yesterday I was so excited when I found out my accounting class was cancelled that I decided I finally had time to go buy groceries! So I went to the store and just after I entered my Ralphs club card I realized I had left my wallet in my other purse. I had to drive home and get it and then they gave me my groceries. I was embarassed and it sucked :( At least I have food finally!!!

awww... my friend aneri jsut said one of the nicest things i've heard in a while:
HEYitsnedi: i think u will be an excellent doctor
lilbop85: awww... muchas gracias
HEYitsnedi: u are gonna be soo successful
lilbop85: i'm scared that i'm way too awkward though
HEYitsnedi: nooo
lilbop85: like i'm not professional
lilbop85: at all
HEYitsnedi: u'd be the cute asian doctor
lilbop85: hahahaha
HEYitsnedi: who'd be good w/ her patients

it's good to hear that i'm not one of those nerds who is absolutely lakcing social skills... cause i kinda like joking around and having fun with people, and if i'm going to deal with people for a living.. might as well be good at it.

Let's make Brownies

There goes interview number six.

So I'm staring at this guy's Brown sweatshirt, and it has a collar that looks as though the sweatshirt had its hood amputated, and a strange growth--the man's head--was coming out of the stump. I'd never seen such a thing; I guess ogling the phenomenon of the amputated hoodie made for good eye contact.

Do you remember the waiting month of March? I think I've anesthetized my waiting limbs by injecting second semester with more obligations than I sometimes care to have. No matter, by May the flowers will come and I'll know where I'm going to be for the next four years of my life.

Happy Birthday to my roomy, Ms. Jennalee! No longer a teenager *tear* they grow up so fast!

all right, so here's my view of the world right now:

1) ultimately, i am alone in this world. i can have friends, a very few of whom i can tell my problems to, but really, everyone's out for their own good, and i need to start also.

2) i am wasting my life away doing this stupid routine of class and boredom. really, the only thing i can look forward to is sleep, because it gives me a break from life, and i am allowed to be somewhere else.

gah!! i need to cheer up!!!

Worst day ever! 3 midterms, me being emotional, nothing is going right at all.

Thank God for Olive Garden tonight with friends. Kel's keeping me sane. And my roomies will be home soon!

I wholeheartedly agree with Jen.

It's nice to be in the loving arms of my family as my world comes crashing down.

I went home for the weekend for the first time this quarter... this year really. I like being at home a lot more than used to, which kind of scares me. I don't want to turn into some isolated hermit who has lost the ability to enjoy other people's company. It's just that reality has either been painful or boring for the past several months, and, because I can't think of any way to change my reality (believe me, I've been trying), hiding away seems to be the only option i have left.

Wait... this wasn't supposed to be a sad post. Whoops, sorry about that.

Los príncipes azules ya no existen...

Now they tell me.

I had the best Valentine's day. I found out that Lindsey and maybe even Ross are coming to hang out with me on Friday night!!! Now I just need to find something fun for us to do...

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

I just want my girlfriend to know I love her. ;)

I'm writing a proposal for my writing class about how to fix people's distrust of the media. So I log onto the NY Times website, and the first thing I see is a headline that reads "Abbas Declares War With Israel." WHAT!? I scroll down ... "Abbas Declares War With Israel Effectively Over." Now i'm no headline-writing expert, though I am getting better. But that's definately misleading.

Today's a lonely day the kind of day that makes me want to change

I think i'm the happiest when i'm holding my breath and doing pull outs underwater in the pool on a sunny day. When it's quiet except for the bubbles, when the sunlight is reflecting off the water and making shifting shapes on the pool floor, when i'm completely relaxed and entirely focused on making it across without coming up for a breath.

Today I was trudging around the Arbor in a mid-day mid-week stupor when a girl with cute pink quarter sheet flyers cornered me.
"Do you have plans for Valentine's Day?"
I blinked the brain haze away and tried to remember. After a couple seconds I answered.
"Yes."
She looked at me in mild surprise and paused.
"Ohhh..."
She recovered.
"Well invite your Valentine to..."

guess what? i found someone to share an apartment with! i just got her confirmation today. i'm way excited about this.

***excited dance***

... phew, that was exhausting.

Look at us, we post a lot.

Look at me, I have nothing to say.

Alright... I've come to a decision. People need to stop asking me for any time of relationship advice. Firstly, I suck at advice. Secondly, I don't know anything. People ask me what they should do when they break up and whatnot... I haven't broken up with anyone since Sophmore year of high school and it's not like anything mattered back then. "What should I get my boyfriend for xmas/birthday?" I don't know what to get my boyfriend! How should I know what to get yours? I don't know the secrets of relationships, I don't know when to call a guy, if you should give a guy your number, how to get a guy to call you, or anything! I think I just got lucky and found someone who works well with me... that doesn't mean I know anything. I don't give good advice! I'm good at listening, but that's pretty much it.

Sorry for my rant...

My only class for today was CANCELLED! I'm so freaking happy right now. For no real reason, I checked the blackboard website just hoping that class would be cancelled or something like that and it WAS. I just got a four day weekend, woo hoo!

I like Girls?

I am now in a relationship with Lindsey Miller (UCSB).

Now, if only she would send someone an email and do our freaking website! I'm changing it to the pinkest thing I can find if she doesn't do it soon.

i had a dream that i walked back from class and i found a whole lot of quarters in my shoe (my shoes currently are really old and have holes in them).

analysis anyone?

i was riding the bus to my volunteering thing at this free clinic, and we were passing through westwood. i looked at this bench that had a picture with a big smile on it, and one tooth had been blacked out by a vandal. after looking a little bit longer (we were stopped at a red light), i realized that it was an advertisement for teeth whitening. i laughed really long and loud about that one.

***
i don't know if you guys heard about this, but eric found salar on myspace and we hung out with him like last week for shao's b-day. i don't have an account, but i must say if myspace can bring salar back to us, it's an amazing thing.

***
i spent way too much time looking for a new picture for facebook. i really didn't want to study for my chem midterm. but right now i'm quite happy with what i chose (you know you wanna go look at it right now... go ahead, this post will still be here when you get back).

***
no one wants to live with me in an apartment next year. i can't really figure out why... maybe i've developed some form of awful B.O. that only i can't detect? so, if you're gonna be in L.A. for an extended period of time, do let me know, unless you don't want to live with me either (*sniff*).

***
i do believe that is all the updates i have for you kids today. bye!

Who's going to Coachella?

So I was watching Conan tonight, and he's awesome sometimes. Tonight in his monologue he mentioned that Vice President's lesbian daughter was writing a book about her relationship with her father...


It's called "Why I Never Got Close to Dick"


aHahahaha.... oh man, that was hilarious... sorry- highlight of my night :)

"I hate girls" Ross said.

And I believe him, because I also hate that brain disconnect that makes girls (aka me) so crazy. But in the same breath he was telling me about the hottest girl he's ever seen, so I suspect that he doesn't really hate girls ... just as I have grown somewhat accustomed to my craziness and am actually able to laugh at myself occasionally. Girls aren't so bad ...

I drempt that I slept til August, but when I woke up it was 10:30 on a sunny January day.

The first week of school has officially been a success! I'm actually glad to be back.

I have tickets to see Ani DiFranco on Febrary 14.

Anonymous

Hi! My name is LeeAnn, I'm a second semester senior.

"And then I don't know why but I had to run away. I had to hide myself at the other end of the garden, in the jungle part, under a tree that wouldn't mind if I lay down and cried a long time. I closed my eyes like tight stars so that I wouldn't, but I did. My face felt hot. Everything inside hiccupped.
I read somewhere in India there are preists who can will their heart to stop beating. I wanted to will my blood to stop, my heart to quit its pumping. I wanted to be dead, to turn into rain, my eyes melt into the ground like two black snails. I wished and wished. I closed my eyes and willed it, but when I got up my dress was green and I had a headache."

- Sandra Cisneros The House on Mango Street

I went for a run today in the fading 4:30 light. I was anticipating it getting dark fairly soon, so I set off fast, hoping to get at least a lap around the lagoon in before night set in. It didn't get dark, so I kept going and going, and going and going. When I finally stopped, it was dark. Damn it felt good. I guess I was just in one of those oh-so-rare running moods.

I saw Jen on Thursday. We protested Bush and the war together, with my friend Kendra.

Life is FUN again! I had a good day today. Busy day tomorrow. I couldn't be happier!

Well it's the last weekend before school starts. I'm really looking forward to the next few days because everyone's gonna be back, it should be a lot of fun! I haven't had much to look forward to lately. Also, while watching Garden State for the 4th time, Brian and I decided we're gonna go play in the rain together next time it rains, so I've got that to look forward to too!

and my car's all better and i'm taking surfing, yay, life is good

now- if only i could sleep!

and it's only doubts that we're counting
on fingers broken long ago
i read with every broken heart
we should become more adventurous

and if you banish me from your profits
and if i get banished from the kingdom up above
i'd sacrifice money and heaven all for love
let me be loved
let me be loved

and if my brain quits
well i guess then that's just it
and if my hands stop workin'
you can call me lazy
and if i get pregnant
i guess i'll just have the baby
let it be loved
let me be loved

i've been tryin' to nod my head
but it's like i've got a broken neck
i wanna say i will
as my last testament
for me to be saved and you to be brave
we don't have to walk down that aisle
because if marriage ain't enough well
at least we'll be loved

i felt the wind on my cheek
comin' down from the east
and thought about how we are all
as numerous as leaves on trees
and maybe ours is the cause of all
mankind getting love make more
try to stay alive

i've been tryin' to nod my head
but it's like i've got a broken neck
i wanna say i will
as my last testament
for me to be saved and you to be brave
we don't have to walk down that isle
because if marriage ain't enough well
at least we'll be loved

- Rilo Kiley "More Adventurous"

does anyone else remember a goofy movie? someone in my building was sharing some songs from that movie on itunes and i downloaded them... and now i can't stop listening to tevin campbell's (powerline's) sweet crooning. hahaha, i miss being 11, or however old i was when that movie came out.

Well I registered for classes yesterday morning and I ended up with a dreaded Monday, Wednesday, Friday class. So I had two classes lined up to crash and then when I checked the schedule a few minutes ago there was an opening in one of them and I got it! I am very excited!!! I have more to post about, but at the moment I don't really feel like it because my head hurts so I think I'm going to go downstairs to watch tv and curl up on the couch. Maybe I'll eat a little ice cream too, I'm good at that. I'm spending th weekend at home because I'm carless and there's nothing better to do. Plus my parents feed me and buy me stuff when I'm at home! =D

this sucks, i'm going through an awkward puberty phase 5 years too late. i feel lame not posting stuff on here (since that's i'm on here in the first place), but then i feel lame when i do post because i really have nothing to say. even when my parents call to check and see how i'm doing, i have nothing to say to them because my life is that boring. i see people from home that i know online, but i don't even message them because i'm too nervous to try and carry on a conversation. when i'm around people, i'm not as talkative anymore... it's harder to make myself heard nowadays and i always think the things i say are so retarded. i guess i have a crush on someone, but i'm way too awkward around him, something i haven't done in a long time. generally, i just feel incredibly inadequate which sucks because i made so much progress in the past year, and now i'm relapsing. ahh! why am i so lame? (for those of you who can't look into subtlties, that was a rhetorical question... i don't think i could handle an actual honest answer to that)

It's been a weird melancholy sort of day. It's cloudy and cold, i'm unshowered and bundled in my new Tri Club sweatshirt. My eyes are burning from the sleep I didn't get last night. I just saw, in passing, the guy I was involved with for 3 weeks last year. I don't really have anything pressing to do and no one to share it with. I'm listening to The Ataris. My frown won't lift.

It's funny thinking about how blogging has changed for me over the years. I remember when we first started The Hankerchicks blog, we'd all post almost everyday about what happened at school and silly little inside jokes to each other. I guess our friendships sorta changed along with the blogging. It's weird to think about.
I don't have the same kind of friendships I had in high school... especially freshman year. A group of friends who would hang out every Friday afternoon without fail. Now I have my roommates, but they're not the same. I can hardly talk to one of them anymore. At the beginning of the year we'd hang out a lot, but that changed pretty fast. I'm not quite sure why.
I find myself lying awake trying to figure out who I want to live with next year, which is what really made me start thinking about all this, I think. I'm too anal to live with people. I can't stand it when people make any sort of mess and don't clean it up. If you wanna have a messy room, I'm fine with that, that's your area, but when the kitchen is dirty, I get upset. And no one takes out the trash. I always do, but right now I'm on a strike. It was full last night and then EJ put more stuff in it. I'm not taking it out this time!
However, I don't like being alone therefore I can't live by myself. I'm not an independant sort of person. I just don't know...
This is what blogging used to be. Me going on rants about stuff that no one cares about except me. Who wants to live with me next year?!?! =D

I've been really into the phrase "SOL" lately. That is, "Stuck out of luck." My history teacher in 11th grade used to say that all the time, and everyone would laugh. I only recently learned that he was disguising the more standard meaning, "Shit out of luck." Well, stuck or shit, it still makes me laugh, and it still does wonders to describe my current situation.

We may suck, but after dealing with the rain and the puddles all weekend, in and out of the car, I feel smart and safe. Besides, I may have found a place to live next year, and being here to claim it was key.

go bruins

I had a really fun weekend in LA. Actually I'm still here, but leaving tomorrow, so it's pretty much over. So despite everyone bailing (Lindsey and Ross, you guys suck) it was a lot of fun. The rain kept it interesting and UCLA hates me cuz I got another parking ticket here. Oh well. Joe and I threw up in the front lawn and then more in the bathroom and he used bread to blow his nose... three times. Jello shots lead to pinkness... All in all it was really fun. The Chargers lost today though, that sucked. Then we got chinese food and played poker and watched Dodgeball. Tomorrow I get to drive home in the rain, hooray. I'm done now. Hope everyone had an enjoyable weekend!

To His Coy Mistress
by Andrew Marvell

Had we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, lady, were no crime.
We would sit down and think which way
To walk, and pass our long love's day;
Thou by the Indian Ganges' side
Shouldst rubies find; I by the tide
Of Humber would complain. I would
Love you ten years before the Flood;
And you should, if you please, refuse
Till the conversion of the Jews.
My vegetable love should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow.
An hundred years should go to praise
Thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze;
Two hundred to adore each breast,
But thirty thousand to the rest;
An age at least to every part,
And the last age should show your heart.
For, lady, you deserve this state,
Nor would I love at lower rate.

But at my back I always hear
Time's winged chariot hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast eternity.
Thy beauty shall no more be found,
Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound
My echoing song; then worms shall try
That long preserv'd virginity,
And your quaint honour turn to dust,
And into ashes all my lust.
The grave's a fine and private place,
But none I think do there embrace.

Now therefore, while the youthful hue
Sits on thy skin like morning dew,
And while thy willing soul transpires
At every pore with instant fires,
Now let us sport us while we may;
And now, like am'rous birds of prey,
Rather at once our time devour,
Than languish in his slow-chapp'd power.
Let us roll all our strength, and all
Our sweetness, up into one ball;
And tear our pleasures with rough strife
Thorough the iron gates of life.
Thus, though we cannot make our sun
Stand still, yet we will make him run.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year everyone.
I had a lot of fun :)



My new year's resolution? Go to bed earlier. Hahaha, wish me luck! What's yours?

Blogger in Chinese

Wishing you all a happy new year, and remember that cup o' kindness when you get there.

(I'm going to hit 2005 16 hours before the San Diegans will. Here, I suppose, it's also going to be the year 94. I'll get back to you when I understand why.)

By the way, when you're in Taiwan, blogger is in Chinese. My hands are frozen blue because of the air conditioning in my dad's office that I can't turn off, but otherwise I'd tell you about my two weeks on this little island.

(If you liked Oliver & Company, you'd love it here. I don't know about the stray dogs in other parts of the U.S. or world, but here they go in gangs that walk , sashay, and sniff across the streets like nobody's business. Seven or eight dogs of every color, size and tail situation just staring down cars without a fear in the world. It's always great to see the littlest of the bunch go double-time but cool as you please to keep up with the rest. Those dogs are smart as hell. Wazow.)

My dad and I walked into the office: Suite 111, Oral and Maxillofacial Surgery. The walls were painted orange, Norah Jones was playing, and there was a red candle lit which made everything smell like apples. I sat, filled out some papers, sat some more, and my dad and I were finally ushered into an elegant little room where we watched a corny video about wisdom teeth and surgery.

"It's all bullshit." my dad said.

And it's true, isn't it? Nonetheless, I have a lovely little appointment card sitting in front of me for two and a half months from today.

I hit a tree. That's right folks. My poor beautiful silver civic is now dented... and missing a mirror. This stupid tree decided to just lie down for a bit across Del Mar Heights Road. My poor car was no match for the rain and the giant tree so I skidded right into it. I then had to reverse and drive over the very top of it. After that tree were three others also taking naps across the street. Someone needs to teach those trees some manners. Needless to say, I'm still a little shakey. Man that sucked!

All excitement planned for winter break has happened already. I'm long back from Oregon (and what a fantastic time I had) and my family and I have just returned from Christmas in Las Vegas (that was fun too). What now? I'm not overly eager to return to school, but I'm looking foward to it just the same. It will be a welcome break from my family and the monotony of having nothing to do. Only another week...

I hope everyone had a fabulous Christmas whether you celebrate or not. New Years is quickly approaching and no one seems to know what they're doing. I don't seem to have a purpose of posting... I just got a cute lil laptop for christmas so i'm sitting with it in bed enjoying my wireless internet. I don't have to go back to school til January 24th... I have a feeling I'm gonna get way bored.

i feel really bad for our little webpage... no one seems to write on it at this moment. it just sits here with old, out dated posts. and i feel like i need to bring it back to life, only i really can't because there's really nothing interesting to say about my life. so post people! please liven my mundane life.

anyways, i guess something of interest is that as of monday, i will not be able to take out my fake tooth anymore. instead of being part of a retainer, it will be screwed into place in my mouth. i'm excited because it's one less thing to worry about at night, but i'll miss my little retainer that i have been so dependent on these past few years. we've been through a lot together (i had my first kiss with that tooth). is it weird that i'm talking about my sentimental attachement to a fake tooth? wow, i need a life.

please help. i'm bored. and alone. and unloved. *sigh* no. a sigh doesn't quite cut it. *AHHHH!!!!!* there. that's better.

JULI!! I can't believe no one posted Happy Birthday to you on Thursday. Unfortunately, I didn't have internet/computer access in Oregon, but dear, i'm just here to wish you a...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I apologize for the lack of posting. I've just been super busy. I had tons of studying to do, and then the second finals were over started birthday stuff and then right after that was christmas stuff (mostly shopping). Now I am off to my Grandma's cuz it's her bday and then I'm going home for our family christmas party. December is way too hectic! I still need to get two presents and my roomie is leaving tomorrow :(

i was talking to my neighbor who's in my chem lab class and he wrote this to me: "our chem lab professor has a tendency to just look at you and smile when you ask him a question, not really ever answering it completely. i can't figure out if it's a 'i don't know what to say' smile or a 'you're such a dumbass' smile" it's very true, and very weird, however, i'm not goign to deal with it again because i'm DONE!

progress report on my controlling my big mouth:
there is no progress report because there is no progress.

well, that might be a lie. i've been told i've been getting better. but really, if there's something on my mind, it's takes a lot of self control not to say it. how do you people do it? even if i don't say anything, my face, the traitor that it is, reveals that something is on my mind and then i get asked until i spill. to make things more confusing, the people who tell me that i need to control what i say are the same ones that bug me to tell them whatever's on my mind.
i also have trouble deciding where other people's boundaries are. is it really that bad to tell someone that you dated a convicted felon within 5 minutes of meeting them? i mean, she looked like she'd think it was funny, of course. where do you draw the line? at the story about the time when your aunt got drunk and peed in the punch bowl? or when you accidentally thought that augusto pinochet was a fancy cocktail? it's all very confusing...

I'm a wimp.

I'm going to Oregon tomorrow, and California girl me didn't realize it was going to be like New York and Boston cold. So i'm running around packing every warm thing I own; my sister and I packed my suitcase twice, as tight as we could but everything still wouldn't fit. So now i'm one of those girls, the ones with the huge suitcases.

hello, my name is jen... and i'm a nerd. and a science nerd at that. physics was my favorite class of the quarter (mostly due to a fucking amazing professor), i like organic chemistry. i get abnormally excited when i understand a completely new concept. i think the fact that a lot of the world's phenomena can be explained by four equations is incredible. i get made fun of for the amount of time i spend studying for my classes. please help, i need it.

on the note of my physics professor, he sent us all an email thanking us for taking his class, how we were one of the favorite classes, and how he was going to miss all of our smiles and our laughing at his bad jokes. what kind of professor does that, especially in a lower division lecture? a really good one.

So the girl who tried to pick a fight with Rachel, Raquel, and me a month or so ago by calling us "ugly bitches" and trying to get in our faces sat in the seat next to me in my Bio lecture this morning. That was the most uncomfortable class ever cuz none of my friends showed up for class... I was slightly scared.

Then I gave her an evil look in poli sci :)

Long awaited zoo pictures:

Happy Haunukkah.

I miss my family.

i have some pictures from this past quarter, and i decided i would try and upload them onto the blog. please forgive me if i fuck up the images in any way, i'm not really all that adept at computers, or taking pictures for that matter.

tori, zak, me, and milan (he looks funny in all the pictures i have of him)
DSC01109.JPG

ryan, brian, zak, indian sohrab, stu, persian sohrab, shaeker (sp?)milan, and tim (i think that's his name, he's the one i don't really know)
DSC01110.JPG

aneri and amrita: the indians
DSC01093.JPG

and, just because i think they're fun and i have time to waste (not really), some pics from coachella that was way back in may.

belle and sebastian.JPG
bright eyes.JPG
cursive.JPG
the killers.JPG
i have pictures of elefant, the flaming lips and the cure also, but most of them a blurry for some reason *tear*

last night was a little weird. i was partying it up in celebration of my buddy milan's 19th birthdayand people told me they thought i was cool (or "tight" or "sweet ass" or whatever weird slang you kids are saying these days). i'm really not used to being considered cool. nerdy, yes. asain, yes. capable of carrying 2 tons, yes. not cool, though... that's like the adjective that has always eluded me until last night. it was cool (there's that word again!). other stuff went down, but it involves more explanation than i bother to write to make you understand just truly how awkward (and funny) some of the moments last night were. but, people think i'm cool! and that's all you really need to know.

P.S. eric, i met someone here who owns the home movies DVDs

Who's going to the zoo tomorrow? *raises hand* That's right, I getta go freeze my butt off and look at the cute monkeys tomorrow morning instead of going to some dumb class and for free too! I'm excited, except for the freezy part. Maybe I'll find a cute monkey to post a picture of :)

It has been unseasonably cold in Santa Barbara. According to Accuweather, it's 40 right now, but the low tonight is supposed to be 31. We've just discovered the heat, and it's always on high. People are dressed in their warmest jackets and I broke out my scarves and hats and sweaters like i'm in Maryland.

I'm glad I didn't go somewhere where it gets really cold. This is enough for me.

Party!

These are the girls, aside from my roomies who I hang out with at the apartments. I thought it was a cute picture from the beginning of last Friday night.

Stephanie, Raquel, Rachel, me, and Carly

Aside from sleeping most of today I accomplished something. Look what I built!


I'm excited, I like some sort of organization.

There's nothing like savoring a giant milk chocolate Hershey's bar in the car with my family while we're crawling along in the traffic, pouring rain, coldness, fog, and wind that's been plaguing us for the past 100 miles. We're never sure what excitement the drive back from Las Vegas will hold, but it's always something.

I hope everyone had/is having a pleasant Thanksgiving weekend.

Now I have to write a paper.

Turkey Day!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope you're all as full as I am right now :)

i hate pizza... especially that last slice that no one ate, that just kinda beckons to you... "eat me... you know you want too" but no, i cry, i'm too full you'll make me explode. doesn't matter, the pizza wins and gets eaten... hmmm... maybe that means it doesn't really win then, then again i don't a pizza slice ever wins. poor pizza...

...this is what happens when i dont' want to study for a spanish oral exam (which i still maintain sounds dirty).

A Constitutional Amendment

I love San Diego because:

Just before commercial break, the news anchor looks earnestly into my eyes and says with concern, "When we return, winter is bringing cold temperatures; a look at the records broken today and tips on turning on your heater."

So I just got home from Atlanta, GA a good 27 hours ago, and I must say, it is far chillier in San Diego. I saw the world of Coca-Cola, CNN studios, and the Ebenezer Baptist Church. And for lack of a segue, the Falconer, for the first time in recent history, did not place in the Best of Show category of the NSPA/JEA Convention. Snap? Bummer? Damn? The words aren't quite fit to print.

More when Storytime, Atlanta returns.

I just bought my first plane ticket, researched, ordered, and paid for by me and my credit card. I'm feeling more and more like a real person everyday.

Technological advances

I just got a new cell phone Saturday cuz mine needed to be retired and then the display screen on the outside cracked on Tuesday. Well anyway, my old phone was never able to receive text messages, apparenlty now I can because I woke up to a lovely text message from Ross telling me that UCSB beat SDSU in basketball Friday night. That's what I get for talking shit...

at least i have text messaging now!

over the summer, i found myself always carrying a book with me because for some reason i would be in situations in which i could occupy myself with some pleasure reading. you know, waiting for a call, someone you're meeting, coffee at starbucks (i like to avoid the awkward 5 minutes where i'm just standing, pretending to be fascinated by the sugar packets... they're just so many different kinds!). it got to the point where i would feel lost without a book in my bag, hence, when school started, i haven't felt right becasue i dont' ahve any books to read. well, no longer, for now i am borrowing my neighbor's copy of fast food nation, and i am way excited to really get into it. besides that, i want to have a list of recommended books, so that i dont' get that lost feeling again. so recommend people! the comments are right there! i really like books with a sense of humor, if you need direction to go in.

I have a bad habit that's developed over the past few weeks of this dragging quarter. I fall asleep. In high school I used to be proud of the fact that I never fell asleep in class. In college, well, I can contend with the best of them. And it's not just in class. It's in meetings, during movies, and at work while i'm staring at the computer. It's not like I overtly fall asleep all the time, that's reserved only for my 3:30 to 4:45 class on Mondays and Wednesdays. The rest of the time my eyes blink closed, my head bobs, I get that sleepy feeling, and I can't for the life of me stay alert. I blame it on triathlon practice at 7 a.m. every morning. I blame it on my roommate and going to bed late. I blame it on the Nexus. I blame it on my social life. But it's not like I can stop doing any of these things.

Today, my longest day, I made a campaign of staying awake. I woke up for practice, after talking myself out of it at 6:30 and then thinking better of it at 6:35. I didn't fall asleep while riding my bike. I made it through Spanish by munching on carrots. This is a feat because usually when I wake up for practice, I can't make it through Spanish. Yay for carrots. I made it through English, as I usually do, simply because it's interesting and important. My professor talks in such a way as to sound like he's building to a point that never actually comes. He lectures slowly and deliberately, pausing often, and I hang on his words thinking that the ends of his sentances are going to be more exciting then they actually turn out to be. I fell asleep in Art Studio discussion this afternoon. We were talking about reality and fiction and I couldn't help but slip into the fictional space of my delirious half-asleep dreams. I'm still there taking unintelligeable notes, even listening to the discussion that's taking place, it all makes sense when I'm doing it but none of it makes sense afterwards. My notes are creepy and scrawling, I don't remember writing them or what the words refer to. I did make it through English honors discussion, maybe because the professor was sitting next to me, maybe because I was looking foward the whole time to these two-and-a-half free hours I have before I go run out again.

I'm going to sleep a lot over Winter Break (yeah, right), so maybe when I come back next quarter i'll be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed from 6:30 in the morning to 12:00 at night, and 3:00 on weekends when I have fun and Monday nights when I work. Or maybe i'll just munch on carrots all the time and turn orange.

look what I can do/goodafternoon/consider this the unvirginizing event.

attn: this is my first post. First post? yes. first post. Hello friends! I am now devirginized to all the halfwhat love my little body can withhold.

attn: I enjoy this quote. You should too.
"Happy," I muttered, trying to pin the word down. But it is one of those words, like Love, that I have never quite understood. Most people who deal in words don't have much faith in them and I am no exception-especially the big ones like Happy and Love and Honest and Strong. They are too elusive and far too relative when you compare them to sharp, mean little words like Punk and Cheap and Phony. I feel at home with these, because they're scrawny and easy to pin, but the big ones are tough and it takes either a priest or a fool to use them with any confidence.
-Hunter S. Thompson.

attn: I am off today. I have been thrown off, tampered with, pushed out of my little basket. I blame it on the seasons.



attn: I hope I enjoy it here.

This week has sucked. I thought it was gonna be great, but it's almost over. Instead of bitching, I'm just going to mention one bad part, which is slightly funny, to me at least: I have bio lab once a week at 9 am. Today I had a quiz, and if you miss more than one class you get points deducted, plus we have to turn in something everyday. Well I woke up at 10:00 today. It's never a good start to your day when the first words out of your mouth are "OH SHIT!!!" as you run to the closet to put anything on. So I show up to class a good hour and 15 minutes late, much too late for the quiz. My TA finally notices me in the back of the classroom and finally after lecturing quickly about a bird vs frog he says "Juliann come here" in his Columbian accent (my name sounds cool). So he asked what happened and I said my alarm didn't go off. I'm guessing I turned it off in my sleep, but I didn't tell him. Anyway, he said, "okay, you can take the quiz after class. Work on the lab for now." No penalty or anything, luckily I'm a good student in that class and he loves me cuz everyone else sucks. But it was still a terrible way to start my day.

On a side note: I'm making a resolution to take more pictures and try to post them more. I'll start by taking a picture of me and the roomies and posting that cuz I feel that they should be included in my posts :)

Like little kids in a blackberry patch, my roomie and I munched on pomegranate seeds tonight while writing our papers. It was messy, it was tart and sweet, it was juicy and fun.

Peachy Keen

Tomorrow I'm off to kick it in the ATL. Wish me luck.

I really have nothing to say. Except i've been waiting here at the Nexus IDLY for the past two hours when i'd really rather be asleep. Oh story...be finished so i can read you and go home and SLEEP!

Hotness

Ross + me = hotness

Anon.

For future reference, I think people who are not signed into blogger should sign their name on their comments because I find it rather annoying to have all those anonymous comments. I wanna know who you are!

songs about me

songs with my name in them:
Jen Doesn't Like Me Anymore - Less Than Jake
Jenny - Stellastar*
Jenny was a Friend of Mine - The Killers
Jennifer - The Blood Brothers

however, none of these songs put my name in an especially positive light. the first one kinda just chants my name over and over again. the second one i believe is about me being a stalker, and the third one is about me getting killed by the speaker of the song. i'm not even too sure what the fourth song is about, but there's a line that goes "you don't need no doctor honey, you need a mortician baby... Jennifer." but now, there's finally an upbeat song about me!

Jen - Jimmy Eat World

cheer, because i did.

READ ME AND RESPOND: In a bout of four-day weekend boredom I opened up my summer Half What html design and decided to get it up and running. Unfortunately, my previous idea doesn't strike me as very exciting anymore, so i'm back to quasi-nothingness. Rather, I have a working design, I just need some decorations. I need a theme. A random theme. I want to put pictures of halves of things. But WHAT things? I was putting halves of our faces, but I don't have pictures of everyone's face. Actually, if Jen, Ross, and Debbie sent me a picture or two of their faces, that might work. Or I could use Fruit? Food? Words that start with "ha..."? I need a theme, guys, so get your brains working NOW.

i have a friend who calls people's genitals their "wee-wees." we found this out one day last year when we were in an elevator and she suddenly said "i wonder what color michael jackson's wee-wee is." it got me to wondering. she's pre-med. when she talks to her patients, is she going to tell them "sir, it seems that there is something wrong with your... wee-wee (insert giggle here). we'll have to do some tests." she also has a boyfriend. does she use the word wee-wee with him? "ooo, i want your... wee-wee."

sorry, just my random thought for the day.

I could have lost myself
in rough blue waters in your eyes,
and I miss you still
~ Josh Radin "Winter"

It seems like death has been everywhere lately in my somber fall life. I'm sitting here typing with freezing fingers, wondering if the winter's going to be any warmer, wondering if the season could get any sadder. This week i'm picking up the pieces of my life...I dropped everything last week and sped home to be with my family. Now that i'm back it feels like none of it ever happened. But it has, there's a void and tears to prove it. Three years later and i'm down to one grandparent. This isn't getting any easier.

in loving memory of Robert Miller

the most beautiful poem about love

Sonnet XVII: Love

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

- Pablo Neruda

--------------------------------------------------
Another bit of high school nostalgia: yesterday was the homecoming dance. The theme was "In the Jungle" and it was held at the World-Famous San Diego Zoo--as you might imagine, people showed up in leopard print, zebra print, army fatigues, or, well, nothing. Wiggling through a crowd meant sliding through sweat upon bodies upon sweat upon bodies--you know, considering the lights and the heat and the lack of clothing, you'd think it was a rather erotic affair. But alas, it is still very unappealing to feel someone else's armpit sweat rubbing off on your back.

Oh, who am I kidding? That's a great metaphor for the high school experience. High schoolers getting it on is great. Viva la revolucion. Or something.

So in summary, it was a hot, sweaty, tasty (there were chocolate fondue fountains. FOUNTAINS!) affair and as I left, I saw some freshmen girls standing outside the dancing tent (..yeah) in jeans and sweatshirts I realized...

this is my senior year. boo . ya .


(Oh, and that is the most beautiful poem about love.)

Bush became president (dont' even THINK about debating whether or not this is good in the comments or i will personally come and kick your ass, no one cares about your point of view, especially not me), my chem lab midterm sucked, and caused me to be 10 mintues late to my spanish midterm that i had right after, causing me to miss the entire audio section, my fucking inconsiderate horny roommate sexiled me at the very last minute so i couldn't get my stuff out (plus she hooked up with a friend of ours, this is going to get really messy), someone was really impatient and took my laundry out of the washer and dryer and put it on some coutner somewhere when i came down less than 5 minutes after it was done (i caught her doing it, and she just looked me and dropped my stuff on the floor...bitch), and i don't understand physics at all to the point that i need to go home tommorrow and look at some stuff from harvie's class.

i had a bad week, big deal.

oh yeah, and i know i'm being whiny, and i know my post was all one sentence... i don't care. you don't like it, go fuck yourself.

I think I'll go out and Embarass myself

Lindsey's post is much better than mine.

I get far too involved with the poetry we read in English. I sit in Mrs. Swovelin's room dissecting until the words are in a inky, ridiculous mess on the page--I dig and try to g. d. in the u. t.*. I'm convinced now that everything has some sort of universal truth underneath whatever devices it's wrapped in.

Anyhow, in the vein of having high school academia telling life stories, it's very disquieting to study American government in a year like this. I feel like government is too big an idea to wrap my little head around, but then, many of the campaigns I see/saw and the political sentiments I hear/heard seemed very petty indeed.

I don't really know anything about politics, but I'm working on it. It all just seems so much more fascinating in theory.

On a non-theoretical level--the first ever 28-page, 3-section, Friday edition of the Torrey Pines High School Falconer comes out tomorrow. Color A1 & A12, B1-B4, C1 & C12. Vol. 31, Issue 3: the biggest thing since broadsheet.

Oh, and I'm going to read Vanity Fair for my seminar novel. Should I regret the choice?



*Swovelinese for "go deeper in the universal truth"

The highlight of my Halloween weekend...

My friend was like, "I want to take a picture of KISS," and my boyfriend (the one behind me with the red lipstick and the star) was like, "C'mon Lindsey, get in it too." So four guys wearing really tight pants, whigs, tall boots, and scary makeup gathered around me for the picture. I was standing there in the middle feeling short and vulnerable, thinking, "How the hell did I get here?"