i didn't let my roommate and her boyfriend have the room for and hour today, because i wanted to study for my midterms, which aren't for a few days. this is after the fact that they kicked me out with no notice when i had and hour to study before i was to celebrate my friend's birthday, and i made a resolution to not let people step all over me and to become more assertive. but when i said no today, he kept pushing it, asking me why, and tell me that it was for their anniversary (anniversary of what is still to be determined), and that i was his last resort, and he just didn't understand that i just couldn't let them have the room for fear of being having it escalate to me getting stepped all over again, like i have been for my whole life. i guess i should have picked my battles more carefully, but i didn't, and now i feel like shit, like i was a bitch for not letting have what they wanted, like i'm not flexible enough. i started bawling after i hung up the phone.

when did i get to overly emotional and sensitive and insecure? i mean, people are starting to complaing. but... i just don't like myself anymore and think that there's something wrong with me and i'll never find anyone that i can ever trust and that no one will ever love me because i won't let them because people are fucks and fuck me over all the time.

*sigh*... i can't even go to sleep because i have to finish studying for midterms.