I always was a girl among boys--a little too vulgar, a little too rough to play nice with the girls. In 8th grade, every day I wore an extra large navy blue windbreaker and a red bandana no matter what the weather. My hair was cropped at the chin and I took pride in the fact that the residual strength from gymnastics meant I could hold my own whenever asked to lift things that everyone was convinced were bigger than I was. Then, I was a girl whose closest friends were all boys because it I happened to be the only girl who went to the high school every day for math class, and because I thought little of changing my clothes every day. But by 11th grade, I grew my hair out and dabbled in fashion sense, remembered that as a girl, skirts were a privilege. I still had my boys, if with complications, because we'd just known each other for so long. It was bros before hos for me; girls were too silly, too frivolous; they talked about boys and gossiped about each other and took an entire day to get ready for formal.
Now the boys are in North Carolina, upstate New York, and scattered throughout California. Now I'm living with girls, playing with girls, confiding in girls. And boys here? The ones who don't know your name only speak to you if they're interested in what's in your pants, and once they find that you're not interested in what's in theirs, the conversation's done, and the most you'll get later is a courtesy headnod. Girls are for petting, not for friendship. And if for friendship, a careful, ginger one, so as not to give either party ideas. I was always warned by those who cared to be more careful with the way I talked to people, especially with males, because I was so forward and so friendly with everyone. I never thought it was a problem. I was told I was naive because I didn't think anyone would be initiate conversation with it in the back of his mind that later he may be able to "tap that." But now I see that friendly with girls is nice, but friendly with boys is flirting; confiding in girls is expected, confiding in guys is flirting. Different rules for every game; I've just never believed in it because the guys I was closest with didn't think that way.
So now here I am with a penchant for curling my long hair and a resolution to be proceed cautiously with the opposite sex. I guess now I've got to stop trying to recreate the crew I had--it was all incidental that they were male, anyway--and get that no one's going to ignore the fact that I'm female because I have relatively large biceps for a little girl. It's loyalty for the girls and wariness of the boys.
In other news, my humble abode is becoming more colorful by the day. Boy, do I love sticky tack.
6 comments:
Haha, I miss my boys from high school so much. You can't act with college guys the same way as with your high school boys. I'm accused of "not acting like I have a boyfriend" now, even though I act the same way I did in high school and no one said anything to me then. Change is tough, but I stil have only a few girls I'll waste my time on though :)
Yeah, the whole guy/girl dynamic completely changes when you hit college. I had to get used to that my first year of college... and I got so girly it was ridiculous. I totally missed the type of friendships I had in high school, but while change is tough, I've learned to appreciate different types of friendship... and the end!
i always wondered what the bandana was all about...
btw, does the girl on the left in the first picture look a little bit like lindsey? just a little?
you have a pic of me :-O
tu post tiene sentido. but I still think that even if there's a flirting component to our relationships, I have more good guy friends in college than ever before... in fact, in most cases, I go to one of them before I go to a girl friend. perhaps it helps that i've dated some of them. or maybe i'm naive as well
Hey, this is evidence that all of you are still alive. Let's break up the monotony of the LeeAnn show by seeing what's going on in your lives!
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